she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
