It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
