I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
