Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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