Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
