that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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