She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
