3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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