I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
