i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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