whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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