I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
