That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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