the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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