her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
