just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
