i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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