God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
