Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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