He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
