so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
