Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
