i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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