we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
