Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
