its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
