Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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