I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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