I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
