I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
