Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
