Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no, he came in my armpit
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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