Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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