So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
