Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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