Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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