We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I won the penis lottery.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
