I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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