I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
