He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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