We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
