You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
