and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
