Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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