just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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