he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
