There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
