you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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