just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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