32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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