My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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